You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
