the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
