Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
