I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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