dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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