I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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