No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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