Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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