my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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