I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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