shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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