I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
