saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
