My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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