I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
