How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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