thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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