hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my shit smells like andre
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
