No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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