the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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