RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
