Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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