pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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