Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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