Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
