i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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