Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
