awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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