I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
