sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
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There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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