Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
