I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
