There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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