I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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