if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have aggressive nipples.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
