The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
