i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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