I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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