So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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