My balls are so social today.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
