Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
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