just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
