I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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