this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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