Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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