he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
