i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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