so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
