Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
