Swine flu. Run for my life!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
