Umm I'm too high to move.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
