On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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