areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
