i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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