so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
