I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
