Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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